After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit golfing.
"I've got some good news and some bad news," God said.
Adam looked at God and said, "Well, give me the good news first."
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began nagging at him to say where he got it. He told them to shut up and let him go to sleep but they persisted, until finally he gave in. [more…]
He spends £5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a garage and buys a paper. Before leaving he says "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
She said, ''But we don't know anything about each other.'' He said,''That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'' So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
Two Irishmen, Murphy and O'Brian grew up in the same village together. They were friends all their lives, married a pair of sisters, and lived just down the street from one another. But now, Murphy had cancer, and was lying on his deathbed, surrounded by his friends.
He calls, ''O'Brian, come 'ere O'Brian. I 'ave a request for ye.'' O'Brian walks to his friends bedside and kneels down.
''O'Brian, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm dying 'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do.''
He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist, and says "Could you taste this for me, please?"