One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to Penny, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today’.
‘I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'
|Murphy goes to his friend Pat and says ... "I'm sleeping with the Pastor's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after services for me."
Pat doesn't like it but, being Murphy's longtime friend, he agrees.
The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things."
He took off down the road, flooring it up to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.
"This is great", he thought and floored it some more.
He looked in his rear view mirror and there was a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blasting. [more…]
She decided to write him a letter saying she was tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. She knew it was petty and perhaps childish, but she needed to know how her husband felt. And besides, this was more of a prank than a real test, right?
He makes his way to the women and asks "Excuse me, are you ladies from Scotland?" [more…]
Two wives go out for girls' night. Both got drunk, started walking home and had to go to the bathroom. They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with. One used her panties and the other grabbed a wreath off a grave. [more…]
Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
My kids have always been observant of their surroundings, but they tend to pick out details no one else would notice. I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
A woman dies after a long illness, and finds herself just outside of heaven, at the pearly gates. As she peers inside, she sees people she knew from her life on earth enjoying themselves, laughing, and looking quite happy. Just then, St Peter comes along, and she asks him:
"Is this heaven? How can I enter the gates?"
St Peter replies: "Yes, this is heaven. All you have to do is spell one word for me, and you'll be free to enter."