"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
Mother Superior called a young novice into her office one evening. ''Now dear, I want you to give the Father his nightly bath. You are to do as he tells you and be sure to report to me in the morning,'' she said.
The novice agreed to do as she was told and went to prepare the Father's bath. Doing as she was told, the novice washed the Father's hair and back. While she was doing this the Father told the novice that he had the key to heaven. The Father told her that if his key to heaven fit her gate, she would be saved.
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I always believed that you cannot take it with you.
"Oh, Father, last night my boyfriend made hot, passionate love to me seven times," she says.
— Will Corry (@slievemore) January 18, 2015
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said:
"You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
A few people have come up with jokes about data and analytics– I’ll leave a few here with no guarantees they will make you laugh out loud. They might even make you feel more confident that robots will one day make better comedians than people.
The magician chased the bird away.
The next night, the magician was performing another trick when the parrot walked onstage and declared, "It's in his pocket!"
During his next performance, he saw the parrot in the crowd, but before the parrot could ruin the magic trick, the boat crashed into a rock and sank.