So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
Before leaving, she says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35," was the reply.
One day, Einstein has to give a conference to all the top scientists in the world. On the way there, he tells his driver, that looks a bit like him, "I'm sick of all these conferences, I always say the same things over and over!"
The driver agrees, "You're right, as your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place."
"That's a great idea!" says Einstein "Lets switch places then!" [more…]
It’s hard to imagine a world without Twitter, and more specifically, a world without people making jokes on Twitter.
The medium has become so ingrained in Internet culture that it has now leaked fully beyond the constraints of Twitter so that people who have never even used Twitter before are seeing tweets on Facebook, Instagram, or Tumblr almost daily.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
...are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness.
On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."
"Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was woman's work! But one evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers.
She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on. [more…]
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
"Thank you, honey", she says. "What would you like me to bring back for you?"
He laughs and says, "An Italian girl!"