The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes."
"I'm sorry sir.", said the ticket agent, "We don't allow animals in the cinema."
Three men awaited execution by firing squad in the condemned cell, from which the site of their forthcoming ordeal could be clearly seen.The first, an Englishman, was taken out and stood against the wall. As the firing squad raised their rifles, he suddenly shouted "Avalanche!" at the top of his voice.
— Will Corry (@slievemore) February 21, 2015
Thanks to Jenny H. in Englefield Green, Surrey for this one...
On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”
Two days later, the 3 other guys arrive at the resort to begin their yearly golf getaway. And of all things, they find Ralph sitting there with his clubs already set up on his cart. "Dang Ralphie boy, how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"