- At a meeting of the Commonwealth Heads of State in London, the Queen Mother was standing next to the King of Tonga outside Buckingham Palace, when suddenly, one of the horses of the Household Cavalry farted very loudly.
He was a keen sailor and wanted his ashes scattering at sea. So my Grandmother, my dad and I went out on a boat to scatter them.
My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine.
The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month. [more…]
There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had was a female donkey. One day he wins the lottery and gets $50,000. He doesn't know what to do with his money, so he decides to spend a night in a five star hotel.
He asks for the finest room and starts going up the stairs with his female donkey. The manager sees him and asks where he's going with his donkey.
Podiatrist: What's the problem?
Moth: I'm feeling really low. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. My wife's left me, my kids never visit me and my mother died last week. I've got a job I hate, no real friends and I worry all the time. I can't sleep, keep hearing noises and feel exhausted. [more…]
An elderly Florida couple, Sam and Bessie, are holidaying in Las Vegas. Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, Sam buys them, and wears them back to the hotel, walking proudly.
He walks into their room and says to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?” [more…]
The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.