While visiting the Caribbean:
You have mosquitoes. I have the Press.
Chatting to a Scottish Driving Instructor:
How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?
On receiving a gift in Kenya:
You are a woman, aren’t you?
Talking to students who visited Papua New Guinea:
You managed not to get eaten then?
On a trip to the Caymen Islands:
Aren’t most of you descended from pirates?
Discussing arms control:
A gun is no more dangerous than a cricket bat in the hands of a madman.
Writing the foreward to a book called “If I Were An Animal”:
In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, in order to contribute something to solve overpopulation.
On modern society:
Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed.
Meeting an Australian Businessman:
Do you still throw spears at each other?
Visiting Lockerbie 5 years after Pan Am 103:
People usually say that after a fire it is water damage that is the worst. We are still trying to dry out Windsor Castle.
