Roger Allan, a 55-year-old systems analyst,has filed an official complaint against SexyGirlz, organisers of the swingers’ event he attended in the downstairs rooms of a pub in Shanklin, Isle of Wight last week. According to Allan the catering fell far short of what was advertised;
‘SexyGirlz specified that the men-to-girls ratio would be no more than 2 to 1,’ said Allan. ‘But I’m a reasonable man, and I didn’t make a fuss about there being 23 of us to 10 girls, which I make 2.15 to 1 unless I’m very much mistaken.’
After a session of ‘adult fun’ in which Roger was surprised to bump into an acquaintance from his local residents’ association, the men were able to choose between a variety of fetishes that may have caught their attention on specialist websites. ‘I’ve no complaint about the nipple clamps or the harness, that side of things was all quite well catered for.’
The real problems
The party was then to break for a buffet lunch before resuming with a no-holds-barred sexual frenzy. It was here that the real problems started. ‘A buffet,’ repeated Allan. ‘I for one don’t call a square of lasagne and a few lettuce leaves a buffet. Maybe if the cook had spent more time on his menu and less wandering through fondling Salome while she was paddling me, he might have done a better job. Most off-putting that was.’
Allan was also dismayed to find a pay-bar, when he had understood that everything was included in the cover price of £180. ‘I tried to complain but the barmaid just looked at me. You’d think she’d never seen a middle-aged man in a leather thong before.’
Furthermore, there were only 18 seats around the upstairs dining area.’Honestly, you’d think they’d count. 33 people, 18 seats? It’s as well half of us couldn’t sit down anyway,’ he remarked.’Well, they can manage without me next time. When is next time, by the way?’
