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Laughter Spot : Bumper Stickers – “I used to have a handle on life, but it broke”

by on November 15, 2013 in Laughter Spot, Laughter Spot, Lead story

*Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
*I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
*WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
*Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
*IRS We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.
*Out of my mind…Back in five minutes.

*Hang up and drive.
*I took an IQ test and the results were negative. 
*Where there’s a will…I want to be in it.
*It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.
*Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
*Be nice to your kids…They will pick out your nursing home.

*Always remember you’re unique…Just like everyone else.
*If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of car payments.
*I’ve taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.
*Never take life seriously.
*Nobody gets out alive, anyway.
*Never knock on Death’s door: Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that)

*I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
*You have the right to remain silent.
*Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
*You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
*The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
*Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
*If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

*The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
*Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
*Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. 
*CATS: The other white meat
*I’m an imbecile and I vote
*Money Isn’t Everything… But it Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch 
*If you lived in your car, you’d be home by now

*Saw it… Wanted it… Had a fit… Got it!
*WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition
*If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you! 
*Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.
*You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me not you! 
*You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT
*Grow your own dope, plant a man

photo credit: zen via photopin cc

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